| And that's it for 'news' since everything I look at pisses me off.
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In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male,
in a pumpkin patch 11:38 p.m. on Friday night.
On Monday, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged
with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public
intoxication.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way
home from a drinking session when he decided to stop, 'You know how a
pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles
or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around' he stated in a telephone
interview.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked
out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in
it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged 'need.' `Guess I was really into
it, you know?' he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching
police car and was unaware of his audience until officer Brenda Taylor
approached him.
'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said officer Taylor. 'I
walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin.'
Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached
Lawrence ..
'I said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a
pumpkin?'
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he
looked me straight in the face and said...
'A pumpkin? ....is it midnight already?'
Well, he was drunk...
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